Why Anger Management Does Not Work

by Martin Poldma on December 22, 2013

why-anger-management-does-not-workAnger management is in itself a kind of a funny term and so there is no wonder that there has been a comedy movie and a TV-show made about it.

The reason behind it is that it basically assumes that you should just learn to control your anger and to not let that out.

However, what that means is that this emotion will still stay inside of you, just waiting to burst out at some other time, or it will just stay lingering in you and beginning to wear you down through anxiety or nervousness.

Eventually, all stuck emotions can also begin to cause you various health issues as well.

The Purpose of Anger

The reason why anger management does not work is that it does not really go into the core reason of why people become angry in the first place.

The truth is that anger is a natural emotion that everyone has, whenever you feel that your expectations are not met in any given situation.

If you will try to control and suppress it, then you will just bring this anger into yourself and have it stay stuck in your subconscious mind, waiting to one day come out with even more anger, or even rage.

Releasing Anger, Rather Than Controlling it

So for that reason, rather than trying to control and suppress anger, it is actually best to just let it out.

If you let your anger out and let it be expressed, then you will be able to eventually become free from it, because there is always a core reason for this anger.

So if someone treats you in a negative way, then there is no reason to just take it all in and let them have their way with you.

Instead, you should actually get angry at people, who do not treat you in a nice way, let them know about it and expect them to change their behavior toward yourself.

There is no reason to let other people to walk all over you and then to just make sure that you would control your anger and suppress it.

It does not make any sense to do that, and for that reason anger management doesn’t work, because anger as an emotion is never a problem in itself, that should just be controlled and suppressed.

 

Limitations to Expressing Your Anger

However, anger management is important in some ways.

For example, it is not okay to express your anger in a way that would go farther, than the attacks of the person, who is hurting you.

If you do that and go farther by expressing your anger in a more negative way than the person who has hurt you, then you actually become the perpetrator, which is not okay obviously.

So for that reason, the goal should be to just defend yourself from the other person and to make sure, that he would not be allowed to take advantage of you.

In addition to that, if possible, then it is usually also a better idea to just ignore the person, who is not treating you right, and to try to just erase them from your lives.

That way, you don’t have to confront them and just move on with your life.

How to Safely Release Your Anger

Moreover, if someone in the past has treated you in a negative way, then trying to seek revenge for it will not bring much good to you, however, it is important to somehow allow that energy to come out of you.

So for that reason, there are actually many techniques that allow you to release the inner anger that has been built up inside of yourself, without going into war with everyone, who has ever hurt you in one way or the other.

One such technique is what I have learned from Veet Mano, who is a disciple of Osho, who talks a lot about the need to express your emotions and to avoid suppressing them.


So one way to express that anger in a safe way is to do the dynamic meditation by Osho, in which in the second part you would just let out all the inner feelings of anger, frustration and everything else that has probably boiled up inside of yourself, through screaming, kicking, boxing, running around and making any type of noises you would like to.

By doing that, you will definitely look weird and silly(so you might want to do this in a place, where you can be alone, in addition to turning up some loud music as well), but as silly as you might seem doing it, it does actually work in helping you to actually release your inner built up emotions of anger and frustration.

Benefits of Releasing Anger Through the Dynamic Meditation

After doing the dynamic meditation, you can feel more at ease with yourself, you will no longer feel so tense in your body and your anxiety levels will come down as well, because you will begin to let out all your emotions inside of yourself, rather than having them stay stuck inside of your subconscious mind.

So this is a nice and safe way for you to thoroughly release all the built up anger inside of yourself, without having to actually go to war with anyone, who might have hurt you in the past, but rather making it possible to let the built in anger outside of yourself, and thus making you become free from it.

By doing that you will avoid trying to just control or manager your anger, which is obviously impossible in the long run, because it will either begin to create inner anxiety or frustration, or it will just build up so much on the inside of you, that finally you will just burst out at any person, who might end up being on the receiving end of that rage.

Conclusion

So if you would like to try it out, then you can start by doing the dynamic meditation by Osho and seeing how it would work out for you.

It has definitely helped me out a lot, because I have had a lot of unexpressed anger and other emotions stuck in my subconscious mind, and by learning to release that, I can become free from it and thus feel more at ease with myself and be more comfortable in my own skin, and more in touch with who I am and with my own emotions.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

brian January 30, 2014 at 5:50 pm

I agree that anger mgmt. does not work, nor does your solution. Your stated solutions is still anger management. Anger let out defiles those around you, is self justified and is as self destructive as holding it in.
Anger is a natural emotion. There is good and evil in the world, and injustices everywhere around us. How we react to it tells about ourselves and our ability to handle life and people. Angry people are best kept away from no matter how they handle it.
The solution I seek is a deliverance from the type of anger that I, like many others, is a constant state that all it takes someone or something to set it off. No anger management scheme I have come across is advocating that. I think that is because most professionals and the populace simply do not believe it can be. Hence the only solutions are to manage it in some form. Unleashed, uncontrolled anger is simply that you are not in control of your spirit but that some kind of spirit is in control of you. Therein lies the problem. We need to start there.

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Martin Poldma February 1, 2014 at 11:16 am

Hey Brian,

Thanks for your insightful comment.

Well, I actually don’t think that you should use your anger in a way to ever hurt others, but what I do believe is that anger as am emotion can pop up, if you are in some ways treated in a negative and harmful way, and the only way to really come outfrom this situation(like an abusive relationship) is to actually get angry at the other person and let them know, that the way they are treating you is not okay.

So for that reason, I don’t think that you should just focus on suppressing your anger, because sometimes it is actually important to get angry, when there are people around you, who are constantly treating you in a negative way.

Moreover, this solution from Osho, is a kind of a way to let out some old feelings that might have been built up in you from the past, and then to be able to become free from it. It is not probably the final solution for everything, but I have personally found it useful to use, in order to bring out some of my own emotions, that had been stuck inside of me.

I respect your points though, but the goal of my post was really to show that just trying to suppress your anger can’t be the only way to deal with it, because a lot of times anger is built up by being in abusive situations, and just trying to hold the anger down will not be good for you, because eventually that suppressed anger will transform into fear, anxiety etc.

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